What to say to someone who is Grieving

Choosing what to say to someone when a death occurs can be uncomfortable and challenging. While we want to express our condolences, we are also anxious of saying the wrong things.

When someone experiences the death of a loved one, they might be overwhelmed with emotions and grief, which can result in different reactions to our words. Often, the most comforting things are not in the forms of words but the generosity of our presence.

Knowing what to say when someone dies can also help us avoid uncomfortable moments at funerals and burials.

Finding the Right Words

Concentrate on keeping the conversation brief and meaningful. Finding the right words means being genuinely honest, comforting, and able to show sympathy for their loss in as few words as possible you think about what you are going to say remember: be specific, empathetic, express your sadness, speak from your heart, allow yourself to be upset.

Comforting things to say to someone when death occurs:

1. "There are no words to express how sorry I am. Please be sure, your family is in my thoughts and prayers".

2. "I am so sad to hear about your loss. If you need anything or you need to talk

please do not hesitate to call me".

3. "I wish i had the right words, please know I care for you and your family".

4. "Please know that I am thinking about you and I am praying for comfort for

you and your family".

5. "I cannot imagine how you feel, but please know I am here to help in

any way I can."

6. "The pain you feel about loosing your child will fade with time, so keep

your head held high".

7. "There are no words to express how deeply it hurts to lose such a lovely child."

8. "She / he will always live cozily in the comfort of your heart".

9. "Let all the memories of a life lived well together comfort you in this time of

sorrow".

10. "It was no secret that your mother / father loved you more than

anything in the world".

11. "You are the angelic gift that set your mother/father's life ablaze".

What to say to the spouse:

1. "My condolences to the parting of such a sacred soulmate".

2. "She/he would want you to live a life free of sadness, so smile for her/him".

3. "Please accept my condolences at the loss of an irreplaceable soul".

4. "Hold tight to the knowledge they gave you, just as they held close the lessons you thought them".

5. "It is okay to cry at times like these".

The Ten Commandments for a Grieving Parent:

1. You shall not tell them to get on with their life.

2. You shall not tell them to be strong for their family.

3. You shall not tell them they have other children.

4. You shall not tell them to forgive.

5. You shall not tell them their child is in a better place.

6. You shall not tell them to stop crying.

7. You shall not tell them to move on.

8. You shall not tell you know how they feel.

9. You shall not tell them they need closure.

10. You must be their friend and stand by them.

Say this Instead:

• "I can't imagine how you are feeling. I am here to listen".

• "It's ok to feel what you are feeling".

• "I am here to listen for as long as you need."

• "Can you tell me what this has been like for you?"

• "Most people have strong feelings when someone they love has died. What has this been like for you?"

• "What kinds of memories do you have about the person who has died?"

• "What sort of things have you been thinking about since your loved one died?"

• "I know how I felt when someone died but I do't know what it's like for you. What does this feel like for you?"

• "How is your family doing? What concerns do you have about your family?"

• "What does your loss feel like today?"

• "I am here whenever you need someone who will just listen. How are you doing today?"

What else can you do?

When someone dies, your words and actions will mean the world to those grieving.

• Offering your sympathy and support during such a difficult time is what matters most. Let them know you have not forgotten them.

• Let them know they can count on your support.

• Consider reaching out to them after the funeral or burial, visit them, keep in touch, help them in the house, and be there for them so they can lean on you in times of struggle. They will much appreciate your support.

Top 10 Books on Grief:

1. It's ok that you're not ok: Meeting Grief and Loss in a Culture that Doesn't Understand by Megan Devine. Find the book here:

2. Hope when it Hurts. Thirty Biblical Meditations for women that offer hope in times of suffering by Kristen Wetherell & Sarah Walton. Find the book here.

3. Healing after Loss: Daily Meditations For Working Through Grief by Martha Whitmore Hickman. Find the book here.

4. On Grief and Bereavement: How to Keep Living After the Loss of a Loved One, Find Meaning & Heal Your Heart by Rob Watts. Find the book here.

5. I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One by Brook Noel & Pamela DBlair. Find the book here.

6. Being There: How to Love Those Who Are Hurting by Dave Furman. Find the book here.

7. Anxiety: The Missing Stage of Grief by Claire Bidwell Smith. Find the book here.

8. A Manual for Heartache by Cathy Rentzenbrink. Find the book here.

9. Loving from the Outside In, Mourning from the Inside Out by Alan D. Wolfelt. Find the book here.

10. Beyond the Broken Heart: A Journey Through Grief by Julie Yarbrough. Find the book here.

At Avycare, we are committed to making this journey as peaceful and meaningful as possible, regardless of it's length. Avycare is your Partner in End-of-Life Care. Call Avycare at 770.940.0700 with any questions.